Another day

 Another day without eating sugar or junk. I also resisted ordering dinner. I declined my SIL’s offer to pick up food. Hubby wants to go out for brunch tomorrow but I’m mad at him and don’t know if I want to go. It’ll be the first meal I eat in a few days. But since I’m on a roll, why not keep going? I weighed in at 196.5. Can I keep up this diet til I reach 189 then start eating again?

LO reached out for her aunt today and I am jealous. I thought I was my daughters special person but she will like others. I just have to accept it. I’ll continue to keep her away from people as long as I can and I’ll work on my insecurities in the meantime. She will love other people, it does not mean she loves me less. Also hubby is so annoying, he makes my daughter cry as he cleans her nose and doesn’t let up. Just takes his sweet ass time and she’s shrieking. He thinks she’s being dramatic but she’s one. He needs to get a fucking clue. I am ashamed at myself for not being able to raise her on my own and needing him and others for help, but jokes on him because she tries to get away from him and doesn’t reach for him. If he continues to ignore her feelings then he’ll just keep getting shafted by her. I know he’s hurt and jealous but she loves me because I’m sweet and affectionate to her and care about her feelings. Hubby just wants to get what he wants done (cleaning her nose, brushing her teeth) and doesn’t do it quickly to get over it he just takes his time while she’s wailing through it.

Sometimes I wish I could get a divorce and full custody. I’d keep her away from him and his messed up family. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Muffins muffins

 Last night I craved a muffin and I got another one this morning. But I didn’t eat lunch and only ate half a party for dinner. But I was about to order pasta and cake for dinner but stopped myself. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and my appetite went away. I’m so freaking fat. I want to lose weight so badly. I saw a picture of myself from 4.5 years ago. I was probably 50 pounds lighter. I want to get back there so badly. Need to really stick to my diet.  Tried to detangle my hair but for lazy. Ugh. I think I might need to cut it off again. Not as short as last time, it’ll still be in a ponytail but I need to get rid of the hard parts. Then never let it get this bad again.  I need better motivation.
Read more

190.8

 Man I’m the worst at this. Up, down, up, down. I’m going to try my hardest this time because I’ve already wasted three months and lost no weight and there’s only four months left until the wedding and I want to at least be a loose 12. Right now I’m a very tight 14. But ever since I stopped nursing and my period had returned I feel like it’s been easier to lose weight. I weighed myself naked and I’m 189.9. I haven’t seen the 180s in over a year. Shame on me for gaining weight after giving birth. I hope I’m in the 180s tomorrow morning (i weigh with my pajamas on to be consistent). 
Read more

I did it!

 Okay day one has started! I basically starved myself today only eating egg in a basket and a truckload of goldfish crackers. But I did not have a muffin or chips!  Hubby said something that hurt my feelings yesterday. I told him we have to be a united front against the baby and he said that’s not going to happen. I’m just going to ignore him and not be his friend. I won’t tell him stories or ask him for anything. We’ll just raise our daughter civilly. I know he’s jealous because she just started reaching for me and is showing a preference for me, I keep telling him it’s a phase and she’ll ping pong between us. Secretly I’m enjoying every minute of the love and affection. 
Read more